Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Forever Goldilocks -- jcarolek

When I was a kid I heard the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. I remember considering that Goldilocks quite brave to venture into a place unknown to her and to, once inside, have the nerve to sample the porridge in the bowls on the table. Had it been THIS little blond, curly haired youngster, I would not have been so brave. I wasn't sure whether she was really brave or just "dumb."

But I suppose I was focusing on the wrong message when I was a little one. I related not to the finding of the perfect chair, the perfect bowl of porridge at the right temperature and the perfect bed to sleep off a satisfying meal. Instead I focused on my fear of treading where I had not been invited.

Today, as an adult, I recognize more of a Goldilocks in myself than ever would have been the case as a young child. For today, though a far cry from the cute little golden-haired child of the fairy tale, I find I continue to search and "try on" even when not invited to do so. And I have found something that I must accept as part of me. I haven't finished "growing." What might be comfortable today, might well rub me wrong tomorrow. Certainly, I enjoy the comfort of finding that "perfect fit" and I have enjoyed some comfortable fits, though perhaps, not perfect, in my life.

And I wonder if I will ever reach a stage where I am Goldilocks no more. In a way, I like that I have outgrown the fear of always waiting to be invited in. In some ways, I am happy that the growth and the desire to find that comfortable fit has taken me on such an interesting journey, though I often wonder whether I am being brave or just really dumb. And in a way, I'd like very much to be able to say, "good bye" to Goldilocks, the seeker, and "welcome home" to Goldilocks, the comfortably satisfied. But, I suspect, that is a still few years in the future.

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