When I was a teenager, I swore I was going to run away from home. I didn't want to be under the same roof as my parents and brothers and sister. I wanted to be free to do as I pleased without anyone else's opinion or rules. Of course, most of the time I was too busy doing chores, going to school, participating in extra-curricular activities and such to have time to run away, but I had it on my "to-do" list. I brought it out for consideration every now and then and almost ALWAYS when in a fit of anger at my mother, who seemed bent on making my life unbearable. But time ticked on and I did not run away.
Finally, one day in, I believe 10th grade, the stars aligned and my run-away plan was enacted. I grabbed my backpack, shoved some clothes and my tooth brush in it, grabbed my guitar and headed off. I was DOING it! Now, anyone who has contemplated running away will know that USUALLY a person does a little better if they have a destination to which they are running, as opposed to simply running away from their current location. Savvy teenagers who really want to get away, have a plan that includes at least an idea of a destination. I had no such plan. I realized rather quickly as I started down the road, that I was going to have to come up with a plan of where to go.
I could not go back home to make this plan, because I had already made my start, so, I decided to go up to my favorite "thinking place." The Bowie Mansion "hill" was directly across the street from us. I cut through the neighbors' yards to get up to the top of the hill and sit, on the mansion property, looking down on the neat little houses that families like mine called "home."
I sat there, looking at the house. Mom and Dad were both still at work, so I had plenty of time. I decided to play my guitar a while, and let it help me decide what to do next. Cat Stevens' song "Father and Son" was the song I chose and as I played, I embraced the unfairness of it all, my situation, the fact that nobody "understood" me, that my parents had a different idea of who I should be from the one I wanted to be, or felt I was. And I sang.
Something happened as I sat there, within a few hundred yards of the place I had determined I had to escape. I began to understand, perhaps for the first time really, that I was not prepared to be out on my own. In fact, I was clearly not well equipped to even plan a simple runaway that at least promised a destination. And for all of my frustrations with my "existence" in the little house that sat innocently below in my view, completely unaware of the turmoil raging in the second child of six who called her "home," I realized that my options were really quite limited by my own immaturity. While I could "feel" the words in the song I sang, and know the strain of living in someone else's vision of what I "should be and do," I could also understand that I was not quite ready to take responsibility for my own existence.
And as this reality dawned on me, I packed my backpack and guitar back on my back and headed back down the hill. There was still time to get back home before anyone even discovered I had left. Maybe I would plan better next time. Maybe I would at least wait until I was driving before I made my escape. Maybe, just maybe, I would wait until I had graduated high school, before I set out on my own. I had several options.... and as I walked up the driveway to the front door, Dad drove in. If he wondered where I had been, or why I was sporting a backpack and carrying my guitar, he didn't say anything.
Inside the house, the normal squabbling between my brothers was in full swing and I headed up the stairs to the room I shared with my sister, her side meticulously neat, mine a virtual pig sty. And I dumped my backpack on the floor, atop the pile of dirty laundry and clean, flopped down on my bed and played and sang some more. Today, every time I sing that song, I am reminded of that day and how sure I was that leaving was mandatory, and how singing that very song of rebellion opened my eyes to the reality of what I did have, and what I would be sacrificing for an opportunity to "live life on my own terms," when I had yet to even determine what those were.
"How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
Its always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go...."
COMMENTS FORM ORIGINAL POST
ckb2950
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ckb2950 ( 629 [Feedback score is 500 to 999] )
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Lovely story Judy.
Apr-27-08 10:16:21 PDT Delete | Report this comment
boginmomma
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great story, thanks for sharing.
Apr-27-08 10:16:27 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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Hey battle! LOL
Thanks ckb...I was playing the song earlier, and of course, the memories came back!
Hey bogin, thanks.
Apr-27-08 10:21:07 PDT Delete | Report this comment
madcat1010
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So relate to the memories of those feelings, Judy.
Apr-27-08 10:22:00 PDT Delete | Report this comment
madcat1010
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The need to be part of something, your family, but this burning desire to be free. Ahh, the angst of youth, remember it well.
Apr-27-08 10:23:09 PDT Delete | Report this comment
315carolg
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315carolg ( 402 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About 315carolg]
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hey jc thanks for sharing,brought back many memories
Apr-27-08 10:25:28 PDT Delete | Report this comment
ckb2950
ckb2950 ( 629 [Feedback score is 500 to 999] )
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Everytime I thought of running away.. it was just never a good time. I didn't want to involve my grandmother.. she was too old. My best friends and my Mother lived in other states.. so how was I going to get there with no money, and the next day was always a school day. I never missed a day. I knew that when dad would find me, I wouldn't live very long, and I valued life. So I decided it was never a good time to go.
Apr-27-08 10:25:54 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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madcat...I don't know if my children ever felt that...but I wonder. I never saw them take a runaway stand, but who knows? I think it is pretty typical, sure....really glad I had a hill to sit and think on and a guitar to help let the thoughts flow.
Apr-27-08 10:26:55 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweetmadness
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Nice,very nice.
Apr-27-08 10:27:06 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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battle, I thought dogs were a man's best friend??? You must have still been a "boy"...LOL
Apr-27-08 10:27:51 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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Hey carolg... thank you. I hope the memories are better in retrospect. Certainly, mine are.
Apr-27-08 10:28:49 PDT Delete | Report this comment
prettythings.2007
prettythings.2007 ( 533 [Feedback score is 500 to 999] )
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jcarolel... wow... thank you for sharing this song... i am listening and realize just how much this is touching my life today... thank you...
Apr-27-08 10:29:09 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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ckb, I remember reading your story about your early life. I completely understand where you were. And my situation was not at all "bad"...mine was just me, being claustrophobic and wanting to stretch my legs a bit....
Apr-27-08 10:30:54 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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Thank you pretty...I still love the song. I think, though it is a Father ad Son, it really speaks to most of us, at some time in our life.
Apr-27-08 10:32:39 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jbates2m8b
jbates2m8b ( 218 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] )
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Yes, that was the key...claustrophobic. How could eight people live in such a small space and not feel it ever. I see most of us now living in homes with land and think there is a reason. I would have run away too, except I did in a way...I just ran out with other people to escape all the time. I dreamed of running to California, but never got all the peices of the plan together enough to do it...maybe I was too anal and into the details! LOL
Apr-27-08 12:49:51 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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"I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not."
*:
Apr-27-08 12:59:37 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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Yeah, Jeannie... I know. You did "run away" in a sense. And I am not surprised by your meticulous planning. LOL... It's "always something!"
Apr-27-08 13:08:00 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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Hey S_J....
Yeah, that's the part that made me think...really made me realize I was not even "clear" in my "dream" of where I was going and what I was going to do.
It's a good song, I think. I really do.
Apr-27-08 13:09:42 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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"running away" is old as time, if you think about it... myths are filled with little ones with shouldered bundles 'off top see the world'... who has not 'run away' with their mind, inside their dreams, to the private discoveries which await them in that other place, even about themselves?...
...the world's gone digital, judy, and "running away" too, has been upgraded and perfected to an art transmitted, packaged, programmed... so often as i review these blogs, i am reminded that many here are doing just that - "running away" - the 21st century way... the more some things change - - the more they stay the same...
another good read you've got here...
Apr-27-08 13:27:27 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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I see your point, S_J. And thank you.... I swear every time I pick up the instrument and sing a song, it is weighted with memories of times sung before... both good and not so good ... but always memories ... and the images in my mind are every bit as vivid as digital photographs captured in incredible detail and clarity ... and I would not trade a single memory for all the tea in China.
Apr-27-08 14:52:07 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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...how bout all the rice in china?... would u reconsider it then?... *:
Apr-27-08 15:01:51 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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well, with the current shortage............... ummm........... NO! LOL
Apr-27-08 15:10:08 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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*; )
Apr-27-08 15:18:07 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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LOL...I might starve without rice, but I will most certainly fade without memories.....
Apr-27-08 15:20:42 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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...you could always dream about rice, i suppose... *:
Apr-27-08 15:29:01 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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LOL...yes, I suppose I could, but that would be rather bland, yes? Naw, I'll keep my memories and dream my dreams and if "rice" happens, well, I will presume it was meant to be part of the picture..... but I won't barter for it. LOL
Apr-27-08 15:42:52 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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well ok, but just take it rice and easy, judy...
Apr-27-08 15:53:53 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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will do, will do.....
(now you have my mouth watering for fried rice and a bowl of hot and sour soup!LOL)
Apr-27-08 16:00:23 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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dream on, little run-away...
later... *: )
Apr-27-08 16:29:23 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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i sent some items into your ybox @ 1545 mine... u getting any at all?... *:
Apr-27-08 17:11:16 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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Not yet...
Apr-27-08 17:25:25 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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hughes our yahoo?
Apr-27-08 17:26:14 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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jpegs to yahoo... no biggie, non urgent... just curious, go back to eating your rice...
Apr-27-08 17:29:13 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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LOL...well...I just checked and nothing in Yahoo. And Hughes, is slowly sending me stuff....nice message though, says I've been upgraded but may be missing emails (DUH) and not to worry, I will get them "soon"... sure is good I'm not trying to run a business...oh wait, I AM!
Apr-27-08 17:31:54 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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ok well, i was thinking it may have been that judy daydreaming again... *: )
was just curious because one was time relative and not like u to not acknowledge receipt, but may be on this end too, it's been unstable here... i think someone is running on the shoulder of the road rushing my material in a backpack, don't run him over if you see him sprinting along to your place... LOL
Apr-27-08 17:37:58 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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LOL...OK...well, messenger is up if necessary.
Apr-27-08 17:45:30 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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...could be on a bicycle too - - with all that "upgrading" going on here and there, they might be really speeeeding things up now...
Apr-27-08 17:46:14 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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LOL...I MEAN...things are really on the fast track now (but to where????)
Apr-27-08 17:50:05 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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yeah, i saw several people complaining earlier that their stores had "vanished"... hahahaha!!... must make haste for the new improvements, the world doesn't wait!... *: ))
Apr-27-08 18:18:38 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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LOL...well, I am getting email through yahoo (at least one or two) but nothing from you. And hughes, I got some stuff that folks sent yesterday, but not sure whether I got everything.... I have IM up but otherwise I am out in the no-communication world...I sent you a test email from the yahoo account at 21:10 my time...not sure if it is getting through any better in either direction, but was worth a test.
Apr-27-08 18:51:59 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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got yours and will test reply shortly... also checked the earliers and i'm wrong, they went to hughes, so are somewhere in hughesland, sorry... *: (
Apr-27-08 19:08:42 PDT Delete | Report this comment
bengaltiger55
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The advantages of a stationary home! My running away was Walter Mittish; nothing else available; leave for 2 weeks and they may be transfered.
Like jb I ran away in plain sight. After school, homework, assigned or worse - guilted.. would I help housework..; it would be dinner time.
Saturdays were out of the question, friends all day, clean the rooom or live w/ little sisters ; dinner and prepare to go out with friends. Squeezing in any lessons of the season.
Sundays were Church , just not right. How to explain that one?
Summers were trips to relatives or friends from former asssignments.
Actually ; too busy going places to run away.
But, with books i did! Went oer the moors ... along the mississippi-with huck -
Movies took me to jungles with Tarzan, a bore but better than talkig with little brothers.
Navy rafts sail the sea quite well , as boats are parked nearby { navy} there was always a group from 'else where' on base.
A rather unique life ; split between Aunt & Uncle in City , and always a place to go - thus running away in plain sight.
Apr-27-08 21:54:57 PDT Delete | Report this comment
bengaltiger55
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Just reread, mentally filling in , wondering when i had time for the angst.
Between classes i suppose.
You are becoming my designated memory locator!
Apr-27-08 22:01:41 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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LOL bengal.... I'll take that as a good thing!
Apr-28-08 04:07:07 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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S_J...... it is really frustrating, really. Did get a message from you @ 22:49 EDT sent to the yahoo account. But I had given up by then and hit the sack. Today, hughes seems much as yesterday, promising to deliver, but delivering very little.
Apr-28-08 04:09:47 PDT Delete | Report this comment
mixednut555
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Hiya Judy! Just got caught up on all your posts since I moved. I loved your ones of CA. This particular post reminded me of my "running away". I really did do it a few times. First time I had even packed a "suitcase", which was a cardboard dress box from Nordstroms. I left in the middle of the night. I had a destination and half way there (more than 2 miles from home), I was picked up by the police for breaking curfew. My parents had to come get me at the police station. I think I was 14. This was quite shocking to my family as I was the "good" girl amongst 5 children. It was also the beginning of my teenage downfall, which got pretty bad. Oh well.
My second "running" away was when my first husband was in the process of leaving me with 3 young children. I got in our car and just headed out. I had never driven more than maybe an hour at a time, he always drove the long trips, in fact always drove when we went anywhere together. I drove from Colorado to Utah, non-stop, over mountains, thru woods, etc. I was headed to a cousin in California. When I hit the western Utah border, I called home, realizing what I was actually leaving behind, which was my 3 children. My husband did leave later that year, but I am glad that I came back. I can't think of Utah without thinking of my running away.
My third, and I hope final runaway story took place after my 3 children left home all in the same year. I was a single parent. The house was sooooooooooooo empty, not only were the kids gone but all their friends! Our house was where everyone congregated. We never had less than 2 extra kids around and most of the time alot more. I didn't know what to do, the kids where scattered, going to college, moving to the mainland for job oportunities. I had met some people online, in chat rooms and I had various job offers (though I had a GREAT job at the University of Hawaii) and I literally tossed a coin to decide what to do. Heads, I stay in Hawaii, tails I leave. Ok, it w
Apr-28-08 11:00:25 PDT Delete | Report this comment
mixednut555
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BTW, this return to Hawaii, was neither a coin toss decision nor a running away, but rather a running back home! I am so happy to be here.
Missed you and being around the blogs, we are getting settled in and enjoying life here. Got to see about 100 dolphins just playing in the water one day, and yesterday, swam with the sea turtles. Too cool. Both at beaches not often visited by tourists.
Ok, gotta run,
Kat
Apr-28-08 11:05:12 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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Kat, thanks for stopping in. I have been wondering how your move went and how you are enjoying your return home. I guess, for me, I have really never actually run away. Certainly, I have made changes in my life from time to time, but that day on the Bowie Mansion hill was my only claim to fame in the runaway department.
CA was absolutely the best vacation I have had in a very long time. I cannot give justice to the freedom and just plain comfortable feeling I experienced there. I know I will be going back. There is much more to explore and many more memories to make. I just feel it.
I'm glad you are "home." I'd love to visit Hawaii sometime.... Wnen I do, I'll look you up!
Apr-28-08 12:18:13 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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like, stuff me in your backpack when you go, judy... i wanna swim with the turtles too!...
*; )
Apr-29-08 02:34:15 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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OK...I'll do that...are you very small????? I'm not a really big backpack girl, so I will have to build up my muscles if I am going to pack "extras!"
Apr-29-08 07:05:10 PDT Delete | Report this comment
mixednut555
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We've got plenty of space on the floor, so pack your bags and all are welcome. Ok, not "all" but certainly you two, Judy and Sweet.
Well, gotta run, things to do and places to swim.
Kat
Apr-29-08 11:50:01 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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OK...this sounds like fun! LOL Swimming with turtles...I never did that before....
Guess I need to start working out so I can stuff S_J in my backpack!
Hey, that's a great way to keep guests from overstaying their welcome! Make 'em sleep on the floor!
Apr-29-08 13:27:19 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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...looking for tanning oil...
(how am i ever going to fit this surfboard AND roller skates into judy's backpack?)... you don't need all them clothes and stuff, do you judy?... *:
Apr-29-08 14:22:16 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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Well, err, ummm, I think even Hawaii would not appreciate my showing up with SOME clothes! My backpack weight 31.5 lbs on my return trip from CA and I was "feeling the load" then......I'm thinking the surfboard has to stay state-side......pick another up in Hawaii....roller skates....if you have VERY TINY FEET will be OK, but if YOU weigh more than about 20 lbs, all bets are off! LOL (visions of my backpack being "inspected by TSA...."what do we have HERE, Miss Judy?????....." ) LOL "honestly sir, I left me backpack for JUST ONE MINUTE and that little girl must have CRAWLED in to take a nap or something....."
Apr-29-08 15:02:14 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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it'll be ok, i'll just pretend to be a backpack liner or a sandwich or something... it'll work, it'll work, what're YOU worried about - - i'll be the one taking all the risks!...
Apr-29-08 15:18:19 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
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sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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...daydreaming images of floating on back in blue waters with turtles gently caressing my thighs... ok, i'm ready!... *: )
Apr-29-08 15:20:38 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
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Well, see, I think taking a child across state lines without the permission of their parents is sort of frowned upon...will your mother write a note saying it's ok for me to take you away for a vacation????
thighs???? you'd better hope they don't snap at your butt! We have snapping turtles in our pond!
Apr-29-08 21:47:52 PDT Delete | Report this comment
sweet_jalapena
sweet_jalapena ( 128 [Feedback score is 100 to 499] ) [About sweet_jalapena]
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*:
a "note?" ... i thought this post was about RUNNING AWAY!...
...running away ... patter patter...
Apr-29-08 22:35:51 PDT Delete | Report this comment
jcarolek
jcarolek ( 3637 [Feedback score is 1,000 to 4,999] ) [About jcarolek] [eBay Store]
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LOL...Yeah... OK.... run, run, run, run, runaway!
Apr-29-08 22:38:08 PDT Delete | Report this comment
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