Monday, November 12, 2007

Your daughter has the following defect -- jcarolek

Your daughter has the following defect. Yes, that is what the letter said, given to my daughter to carry home to her parents. Defect? What? Me? I have a defective daughter?? Is there a Lemon Law or something I can invoke right now? I don’t want to have to deal with a daughter that has already been deemed defective at age five!

Well, as it turns out, my daughter’s defect was her vision, which the school nurse had found to be not within the acceptable range. She was required to see an eye doctor to determine the full extent of her defect and we were to report back to the Gloucester County School system the results of these findings.

So, off we went to the eye doctor and he assured us that, in fact we need not invoke the Lemon Law, just yet. While she was far-sighted, and did have tiny bit of the same defect which caused me to be cross-eyed at birth, her defect could be remedied with a simple prescription and the purchase of a pair of glasses.

Well, I weighed the pros and cons, and decided I’d keep her, defects and all. She was fitted for her glasses and in just a few days, we happily had her defect resolved. I took pictures of her with her new glasses, so that she would never have to feel ashamed of wearing them in pictures. (When I was a kid, the school photographer used to always try to whip my glasses off my face before taking my picture. I refused to let him! My glasses were part of me, dang it!)

I have been reasonably happy with my decision not to invoke the Lemon Law, and to keep my defective daughter, though, it turns out, through the years I found she had more defects.
Didn’t hear too well (but only when Mom or Dad was speaking)
Didn’t see to well (ummm, does your room look CLEAN to YOU??)
Didn’t know the difference between “yours” and “mine” (where IS my favorite jacket????)

You get the picture. I had one defective kid on my hands, and they had suckered me into believing the glasses would remedy the defect!

But as I sit and reflect, I am happy to report that my defective daughter has become a lovely, talented young lady, of whom I am quite proud. I supposed the Gloucester County Schools did me a great service the day they announced her defect, for the entire world to see.

Because, had they not done so, I would have simply sailed on through life, thinking that I had these perfect kids and I would have had a rude awakening when they hit those special “teen” years…you know, the ones where the REAL defects start to show up. As it was, I was prepared…every time my defective daughter demonstrated a defect (such as disagreeing with Mom, disobeying Mom, etc.) I just had to ask her to put her glasses on….that would solve EVERYTHING!!! (That’s what they told me, right?)

Unfortunately, the Gloucester County School system never found a defect with my son, so I’m unclear why he seemed to also need a pair of glasses in those Terrible Teen years! I’m sure he thought it odd when I suggested he put HIS glasses on!

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